Secrets and Solace: A Father’s Journey of Betrayal, Healing and Acceptance

It started as a single thought— You should be ashamed of yourself. I’m not sure where the thought came from. Before I knew it, my thoughts were spinning out of control. You can’t ever fix your family.   It’s your fault. They all hate you.   You messed everything up. You can’t fix your abused ADHD child.   You’ll never connect with him. You can’t fix yourself.   There’s something wrong with you. You’re helpless.   Things are only going to get worse. You might as well give up. You’re powerless. You’ll never get over this. God doesn’t care enough to answer your prayers. Your feelings don’t matter. This weight will break you. You’re a loser.  No one really understands. You’re alone. Most days, I’m a pretty positive person. But sometimes that one thought will creep in and I’m back in that dark place. But I write it down.   I get it out. I look at the words on the screen and realize they are just words. Words that I can accept o...

If you could describe your childhood in one word, what would it be? For me, it would be the word “alone.” Something struck me when I was meeting with my therapist this morning. For the first time in her presence, the tears started falling and it all became clear. “What are the tears for?” she inquired. “I’m not sure if I can put it into words…I just know I want other people to know that they are not alone” I responded.  For years, I’ve been struggling to write songs - the rhythms and melodies are there, but the heart is missing. A part of me has been locked away. My spirit has been paralyzed. At times, I’ve been a phantom - distant, guarded and skeptical. I’ve learned that most people can’t comprehend the context of my world. My story reads like a Stephen King novel or a CSI drama. It is indeed…unbelievable. I’ve seen so many friendships turn awkward. “What if you’re wrong?,” they’ll ask. “There‘s been a lot of pain on both sides ,” they’ll interject, gently smearing ...

I had so many questions growing up - and these questions continued into my adulthood. I am now in my forties - and I am still trying to piece together this puzzle of mysteries. As a child, I accepted everything my parents told me - even if it didn't make sense. What else was I to do? I trusted them. This comic is my attempt to summarize my biggest questions and my family's peculiar response. https://share.pixton.com/qnbp7si