Progress

It started as a single thought - You should be ashamed of yourself.

I’m not sure where the thought came from.

Before I knew it, my thoughts were spinning out of control.

You can’t ever fix your family.  

It’s your fault.

They all hate you.  

You messed everything up.

You can’t fix your abused ADHD child.  

You’ll never connect with him.

You can’t fix yourself.  

There’s something wrong with you.

You’re helpless.  

Things are only going to get worse.

You might as well give up.

You’re powerless.

You’ll never get over this.

God doesn’t care enough to answer your prayers.

Your feelings don’t matter.

This weight will break you.

You’re a loser. 

No one really understands.

You’re alone.

Most days, I’m a pretty positive person.

But sometimes that one thought will creep in

and I’m back in that dark place.

But I write it down.  

I get it out.

I look at the words on the screen and realize they are just words.

Words that I can accept or dismiss.

Lies and truth.  

Which will I choose?

It might start with one thought - God will always love  you.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.  

It isn’t your job to fix your family.

They are the ones who are missing out.  

It’s their loss.

It’s not your fault.  

You were only protecting your child.

Your wife loves you.

Your kids love you.

Your true family and friends love you.  

You have no obligation to earn your family’s approval.

It isn’t your job to fix your child.  

Just love him.  

No matter what.  

God has a plan for him.

Somehow you made it out alive.  

Your son will make it out too.  

You don’t have to be perfect.  

You’re broken and that’s ok.  

You don’t need to be fixed.

You are not powerless.  

God is on your side and He still moves mountains.

God hasn’t given up on you.  

Your emotional state is independent of God’s character.

Your feelings do matter.  

God is a perfect father and His heart aches for you - just like your heart aches for your kids.

You don’t need to carry all this weight.  

It’s ok to tell other people.

It’s ok to give the pain to Jesus - every day.

You’ll never wear out your welcome.

You’re not a loser.  

You are loved more deeply than you could ever comprehend.

Don’t be afraid to hurt - it’s part of the process.

You are not alone.

You will never be alone.

The artwork above was designed by our son.  He’s probably made twenty of these and this has to be my favorite.  It’s amazing what a bright mind can do with paint, glue and shaving cream.  This artwork isn’t any artwork.  Our son gets a new canvas almost every time he meets with his therapist.  It’s almost been a year (this is his fifth therapist over the course of six years).  His first drawing had no color.  His latest work is a masterpiece.  I’m reminded that life is much like a series of canvases.  Some paintings are sad and formless and others are focused and exploding with color.  Sometimes, we just see the paintings - but God sees the progress.