Wisdom

Years ago, a friend introduced me to a podcast called “Family Secrets.” It’s a fascinating look into the lives of those who have carried the weight of their own secrets or the weight of someone else’s secret. Not all secret keepers in “Family Secrets” come clean, but for the most part, every secret keeper feels a new freedom when that secret is out in the open, even if it brings with it some embarrassment. Often, the response from others is far less dramatic than expected. Even if rejection occurs, a new liberation is found in honesty. Personally, my heart is lighter after sharing my story. I certainly have had my doubts - “Should I post this?…What will people think of me?” Yet, most responses have been positive. A number of friends have privately shared their own histories of abuse. I’ve made new connections and have gained a deeper empathy for others. 

Another observation from “Family Secrets” - almost every secret started small and eventually snowballed into an avalanche of secrets. The weeds of secrets become brush, the brush becomes trees, the trees become forests, the forests become landscapes and the landscapes become worlds. I imagine the secrets in my family began casually. Yet the clouds began to form. Anxiety, rejection, self-doubt, conflict, isolation, boredom - all flourishing in a world void of accountability - coupled with the need to maintain an image - the perfect storm for addictions and secrecy. I’ve spent years combing through my family history and this is what I’ve come away with - keep your accounts short, learn from your mistakes, stay on guard and keep God central. I’m definitely not a perfect person and I have my own demons just like anyone else. However, I’m fighting to stay in the light, as much as my untamed spirit longs to flirt with the darkness. I’m a child of God and I know light and darkness can’t coexist. Every day, I must deny one and embrace the other. I’ve seen lies and secrets rip my biological family apart. I certainly can’t reconstruct the carnage, but I can learn from others’ mistakes.

Listen to "Family Secrets" here.